All The Right Reasons

Beaming a wide grin at one another as they hold hands in the park.
A wish come true that they found each other through the dark.
Smiling uncontrollably since the day that they promised to forever love and cherish.
Home they sit and bathe in the love that they have for the other.
Sunshine pours in through the windows and soaks the couple embraced.
A friend for life is what the two are and will be forever.
Yellow flowers brighten the kitchen table as they eat their meals together.
Gold rings are a poor symbol of the purity in their hearts.
A dog at their feet as they cuddle on the couch and whisper soft tender words.
Mouths pressed lovingly together now as they will be forever.
They are a couple that got married for all the right reasons.

Writing? Who has time?

Well I missed an entire month. I made not one blog entry for December and to be honest I am not surprised. A lot happened over the last month. I made it through the last couple weeks of the semester. Coached my soccer team to several more losses, moved, had about 50 Christmas celebrations, played a lot of Playstation, saw two movies, and plenty more things that I cannot think of right now. Not included in that list is writing of course. I nearly started writing something but gave up on it after remembering that I now have a PS3 (thanks mom). Oh well, I will get back to it sometime. I have found someone so negative and sarcastic that he is a great critic. He has become my new editor. He doesn't like anything, so this should balance well with all of the praise I get from my writing. Too often I hear "this is great! When is the next one coming out?" I know it is not great, and I don't know when the next one will be out. After initial excitement and enthusiasm I have already hit a wall in my ambitions to be a writer. I am finding it difficult to finish my second novel, and I no longer know when I will get to it. I had hopes to do it over the break, but it was all for not. Maybe that should be part of my New Years resolution. To write seriously and consistently. It will not be easy. Teaching has consumed most of my time, coaching a bit more and family all the rest. When can I write? Summer? Who knows? I am now viewing my initial success in writing as failure. Although most of my despair is due to lack of sales and exposure, I do sometimes doubt my ability to write. Oh well, as we said in the army, "drive on soldier, drive on!" Right now that is all I can do.

New Years Resolution

I resolve to be more disciplined. This applies to my relationships, spiritual life, physical health, and intellectual sharpness. I resolve to not play video games whenever I have free time, or to watch television (we just got cable). I resolve to read a book every month, and to write regularly. I resolve to keep an ongoing journal to reflect and grapple with life. I resolve to finish the Sureshot 2 and to begin another book besides the Sureshot series. I resolve to search in earnest for an agent and new publisher. I resolve to never put anything above my family. I resolve to play with my kids whenever they want to play with me. I resolve to begin running again. I resolve to be the best teacher I can. I resolve to be compassionate and merciful as often as possible. I resolve to never forget that I am flawed and that I must rely on God for everything and that it is because of him and through him that I exist.

Patriarch

Something heartwarming happened the other day that I wanted to record and share so that I did not forget, but also because I think there is something wonderful in this event, though I am not quite sure how to describe it. I will try to explain it without cheapening anything.

We had a small birthday party for my son Elijah who just turned two. It was intended that we were not to make a huge deal about his birthday because he was only turning two, and although made aware that it was his birthday, he himself would have been just as excited had we told him it was anyone else’s birthday. So Brandi invited “only family” to the party in order to keep it small, but she is from a Portuguese family and inevitably if you are throwing a party, and provide good food, there will be nearly 50 people there even with some absent. So we had a small party for my son, who turned two.

I wish to explain also that I love birthdays, especially my own, but other’s as well. I love them because they are at their core a celebration of life. Whenever I pray at a birthday party now, I always thank God for the person whose birthday it is, and for all of us. It is a wonderful opportunity to praise him for the miracle of birth. This day was for Eli, but it was not him alone who I was thankful for that day.

Elijah was busy as we set up for the party as most two-year-olds are. He was excited to be at his Grandma’s house because she has a lot of dogs, a lot of things to play with, and children simply enjoy a change of scenery. A few people arrived on time, and among them was Brandi’s father who brought with him his wife and also Brandi’s grandparents.

My children are blessed enough to have seven of eight great-grandparents still alive, and three of them were at his party. Now grandpa and grandma Tavares are now in their eighties and as people at that age often are, they are a bit slower than they used to be, in fact recently Grandpa has begun to sit in a wheel chair as walking has become too strenuous. So once they arrived, Grandpa was pushed up to the end of one of the tables.

Immediately some people waited on him as some chips with dip were brought out and some lemonade as well. Now up to this point, Elijah had been acting a bit shy. Whenever there are a lot of people coming around, children get a bit shy, but my son overcame his initial reclusivness as soon as food arrived. He sat himself next to Grandpa Tavares and began to snack on chips with him.

I was seated at a table parallel to their’s and sensed that I ought to pay attention to the pair for no other reason than to observe. Both Grandpa and Eli were given a plate with chips and a cup of lemonade. The bowl with dip was moved to their end of the table and they were pleasantly munching away on the salty snack. After making sure that neither needed anything, everyone else went into the house leaving Grandpa and his great-grandson to snack together.

I cannot say that the pair was even aware of me though I made to effort to hide, only to not disturb the scene. It was simple but made me smile to watch the patriarch of the family dine with one of his many children. They both ate some chips with Grandpa coaching Elijah when he got too much dip or some dripped on the table. I smiled as I observed an example of the natural progression of raising a family before me.

Then Elijah, thirsty from the chips, drank all of his lemonade. When he finished he checked his cup to ensure that he had in fact finished, and upon confirming that there was indeed no more drink in his cup he held it up to Grandpa and asked him for more. I nearly stood up worried that because Grandpa was confined to the chair that I would have to get my son some more, but Grandpa proved generous and resourceful. He took Eli’s cup from him and preceded to gingerly poor some from his own cup into the young boy’s. When satisfied that Elijah had enough he gently placed the cup back on the table, Elijah thanked him in the sweet and pure way that children do, and sipped his cup once more.

It was a subtle and perhaps unimportant exchange to most people, but to me it was beautiful. I watched as a man in his eighties, having done so much throughout his life, enjoy a personal moment with his great-grandson. In that instant my mind flashed to Abraham and I was reminded of what is important in life.

When I am old and nearing the return to my father, I do not pray for fame or fortune, but family. That is all I want. Family. It is so much more important than the rest. Fame fades, fortunes are spent, but family grows. Grandpa and Grandma have six children (one has preceded them home), fifteen or so grandchildren, and another seventeen odd great-grandchildren. That is priceless. No one can take away the legacy that they have left because it is not something that can be forgotten or lost; it is living and breathing in the people who look to them as father and mother. That is my ultimate goal. To be Grandpa, sitting at the table and pouring lemonade for my children. Nothing else seems superior in comparison.

Unaffected

Black smoke rises up from a burning fire in the middle of the dense dark forest.
Red flames dance in the night like fierce warriors after a victorious battle.
Green trees tower high into the sky, forever reaching for the heavens.
Yellow leaves fall from branches retiring to the soil after a long years work.
Blue, cold, rushing water runs past nearby in a hurry to get wherever it is going.
Grey clouds float lazily through the air saving their strength for a later engagement.
White snow caps the tall majestic mountains like a hat on the head of a boy.
Our pink lips, embraced now and forever, unaffected.

Ouch!!!

It has been moderately spread around at school that I have a book published. I have been getting used to the varied responses from people. Some people say something like, “that is awesome, wow, amazing,” and others are like, “how many have you sold?” It is frustrating, but I have been making a bit of a game of it. I now like to answer any response with a question. If I get a “oh that is wonderful!” I like to respond, “really? Is it?” It is a bit rude, but helps me to sense whether or not the person is sincere in their enthusiasm. It turns out that most people who are enthusiastic have no intention of ever reading the book. When I get the “how many have you sold?” I now like to answer, “how many do you think?” If they say something really high like “one million,” I point out that I am teaching full time and most understand that had I sold a million copies that I would not be teaching. Mostly people are impressed with a couple hundred which is good because that is how many I have sold.

So something interesting happened recently which stung a little bit. I was in the “lunch room” and some teachers were chatting over a collection of old and bazaar books that someone received from their uncle or something. Many of them were poorly written and or silly. One of the teachers present is an English teacher. She is also a writer and working to publish a book. Though I do not know the details of her efforts to publish and have not read two words of anything she wrote I understand that it has been difficult based on comments from other people. So someone asked why if so many crappy books were published why can’t she get published. A very astute question because a lot of crappy books are published and I suspect that there are a lot of worthwhile authors that cannot get published. Then to my shegrin another teacher reminded everyone that I am published to which she shot back, “well, if you are willing to pay for it, of course you can get published.” OUCH!!! That hurt. Though there was nothing said that is not the truth. In fact I have resigned myself to trying to land a “real” publisher, though I believe that Tate is a “real” publisher that requires “co-investment.” I understand that a small publisher has difficulty competing in a very competitive market while trying to publish all new books from all new authors. No doubt that is very challenging. Still I have been less than pleased with Tate and hope to find another publisher. Keep your fingers crossed and I am glad that said teacher chose to point that fact out to me.

Kids Just Don't Understand

As I believe I explained earlier I reread The Red Badge of Courage in order to teach it to a group of students who are the “Academic Decathlon” team at our High School. I love the book because it is so deep and psychological and because of the amazing description of the battle. The students I taught it to hated it. I could not understand. They said things like, “it is boring,” “nothing happened” “it was confusing.” I told them that it was supposed to be confusing because war is confusing and the main character was confused. That was the whole point, but they missed it. They were complaining about Henry changing his mind all the time, but they did not get that war was confusing thus the main character was confused. It makes perfect sense but not to them. Then I told them about my book and they said that they would like it. I have no doubt that they would. My book is a result of pressures to entertain. It is exciting and fast paced. They would like it.

Therein lies my revelation. Many books are entertaining. That is what sells. Many books that are considered “masterpieces” are not as entertaining. Students and adults alike find them boring. I myself have never understood the likes of Falkner, and Knowls, yet they are considered masters. So here is the issue. Do I want to be popular or good? It seems that one cannot be both. Perhaps there are some who manage it, but I cannot name any. I personally feel that Twain, and Orwell among others manage it, but others would even find them boring. I do not know how to reconcile this, but it disturbs me. I suppose I will have to first go for popular and then hope for masterpiece. Both are probably years off, but I have to start somewhere, and The Sureshot was the start.

Writer Anxiety

I have been dying to write more, but continue to be derailed by teaching and coaching among other things. Still I have been learning some things about writing, and have been able to reflect more on my book and revise the second one. I am still on track to finish editing before the New Year and to begin working on getting it published. I am excited about it, but wish that could do it full time. I imagine being able to make my own “writing” room and write as I feel like it. Of course becoming the “full time” writer means dealing with deadlines and pressure to keep writing. I even worry about what happens if I run out of things to write about. What happens when I write something excellent and then cannot match it again? What happens if my writing becomes stale and predictable? What will I do if I cannot sell any books after years of writing full time?

Oh well. I suppose I don’t have to worry about those things yet since I have not even reached the point where I can write full time, and may not, thus relieving me of my need to answer these questions.

Book Review: The Red Badge of Courage

This book changed me as a reader and a writer when I was in high school. I know it sounds strange but as I was reading this book in 10th grade and we were going over it together in class I knew that it was a great book and some how it made sense to me. It was a break through to actually see the things that the teacher was talking about. It sucks to sit in class and have the teacher explain why Faulkner is such an amazing author, but hate reading his books. That was not the case with this one. I loved it from the first time I read it. I loved the naturalistic writing style that Crane used and the psychological battle that the main character goes through. This book is so much more enjoyable than simply reading about the Civil War. The writing style is amazing, the scenes are vivid and the emotions extreme. The action is different than what some readers are no doubt used to because Crane has a tendency to describe emotions and feelings rather than actual action, but I love that too. It is short enough to read through in an afternoon if you were focused enough and I recommend it. I loved it even more the second time.

Steinbeck my insperation

Back at the end of September my wife and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary by getting away from our kids for a few days. We went to the coast (Monterey, CA) and had a great time. Because we are not especially exciting now that we have kids we went to the Steinbeck museum in Salinas. It was totally fun! We got to see a film about him and look at all the cool exhibits they made from his books. It was pretty cool. Excerpts from his work was all over the walls and there was even audio and video from them as well. It was awesome to see the collection of work from such a talented man. I have enjoyed all of the books that I have read from him including: Of Mice and Men, Grapes of Wrath, Cannery Row, Tortilla Flat. I want to read others and my wife recently read East of Eden, and said it was fabulous. I look forward to reading it as well. It can be intimidating to read something that is a masterpiece, but it reminds me how far I need to go before I will “arrive” and perhaps I never will. It also encourages me that until writing Tortilla Flat in his thirties, Steinbeck was relatively unsuccessful as a writer. There is hope. Anyways I have always been inspired by Steinbeck since reading Tortilla Flat in high school and I recommend his work to anyone.

Still busy with no better excuse

I know I have been bad about blogging again, but I simply cannot help it. I am not only teaching now, serving on the deacon’s board, trying to be a loving husband and father, but now I have also added coaching soccer to the list of things that I have to do. It is a blast but it leaves me really busy. I have not had a lot of time to work on my book, but I did manage to finish reading it myself and I was pleased with the way in which the book ended. It needs plenty of spit and polish, but it is going to be good. I have also promised myself that I would rewrite the beginning by the end of November. I hopefully will have time during Thanksgiving break to do a little writing, and I plan on finishing all of the editing before the end of the year so that I can send it out after the new-year. That is my plan anyways. We’ll see how it goes. Besides that enjoy some of the things that I will post over the next couple of days as I try to not look like a completely lame blogger. I also would like to write a couple short stories and have been working on the outline for them so look out for those over the next couple months. Thanks, love you all. Ok well not you, but everyone else.

Book Review: The Saga of the Volsungs

Alright I know I have been bad about getting to my book reviews, but here is one anyways. I read a few of these already months ago but that is the way it is and there is nothing I can do about it now. One of the books was a short albeit interesting book called The Saga of the Volsungs. It is a very old German epic about similar heroes that you might find in Homer’s tales or some other cultures folk lore. It was fun to read. First of all it is very fantastic, dragons and dwarves and such. I wonder if the Romans were dwarves to the Norse? Anyways, it was strange but good, and at one point I thought that I detected a sent of Arthur in the tale. I recommend it if you are into Homer and the like, otherwise stay clear.

Hills and Holes

When I was a child,
I ran about,
Playing in the thick mud,
Reading books every night,
Sleeping so softly,
On clouds so high,
With not a care in mind.

I fell in a deep hole,
Dark and damp,
The monster of puberty,
Dragged me down into its’ depths,
I slaved with my pen and paper,
And wrote unintelligible things,
My head was heavy with thought.

Alas, I climbed out,
And rose high atop a hill,
Now I shout what I might,
Smiling in the warm sun light,
Playing under the bright sky,
I nap ever so happily,
And I capture the words of the heart,
With a mind as clear as life.

Too Much

You say “I love you” still mist I request,
If yours is truly love substantially laid.
Methinks your love so shallow you have made,
If I had dove into your love at last,
My skull would I have cracked in half; so see,
To me is love a special thing, untouched.
I once had loved and found what love could be.
I long to love, have love returned as such.
And I would die to have such love from thee,
So stop, a little more could be, too much.

Bad Blogger

I am sorry I have turned into a bad blogger. I have not been very punctual or consistent blogging lately, but have no real reason why except the one everyone uses, "I am busy." I get tired of saying that however and so I won't anymore. I have not really written anything lately or read anything lately and it is really bothering me. I think that I will read tonight before I go to bed, and set a goal to write something this week. I have about one hundred ideas, but I can't find the time. It is funny that no matter who we are that none of us can ever buy more time. It is the scarcest resource around. Anyways, I watched 300 the movie this weekend, and it was good, very violent, but not as historical as I would have liked, or more importantly, as I suspected it would be, so I was disappointed. My students did not like my critique of the movie they feel is the best of the year, but what do they know? Anyways, I will leave you with a poem that I wrote a long time ago because I have nothing else. Sorry.

Unusual suspects

I have been insanely busy lately, in fact too busy to finish editing my second book. However, I have a fan reading the manuscript and I am interested to see what he thinks. I really want to rewrite the first chapter and send it off to publishers to see what they think, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Otherwise I am pleased to say that the Sureshot continues to get reviewed well by people I talk to. If nothing else, it has been awesome to see some of my students read it. I have lent a couple of copies to students who were interested in reading it and the result has been amazing. Every day I see them now they tell me about the parts they read since last I saw them. They are excited about reading! These two young men are not the type to read either. They both admitted that they do not normally like to read, but that they are reading my book at a fast pace. One young man wanted to be allowed to ignore my economics lesson so that he could read in a corner instead. I really wished I could have let him, but it would not have been the responsible teacher thing to do, so I made him put it down and do work with the rest of class. Still I am thrilled that my students are enjoying it. If they love it, perhaps with a little marketing, other kids will love it too. If only I was a good salesman.

Treading Water

I have been teaching now for three weeks and let me tell you that it is not easy. I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off most of the time. I have two different subjects to teach (world history and economics), and 6 classes of about 40 kids each. It has been tough. I have not drowned yet however, nor have I had a nervous breakdown. I have gotten irritated regularly, but I started drinking to compensate. (Just kidding). Still it has been fun. I have joked around a bit when I get tired, and that helps. The frustration comes from not being totally prepared. I want to have dynamic lessons and to have kids excited about the subject, but to be honest it has not always worked. Sometimes the lessons are boring and kids could not care less about say the Enlightenment. Can I blame them? A bunch of dead frogs and brits who had a bunch of ideas, albeit good ones. Kids like blood and guts, (and poop but I have not found a way to incorporate that one yet). So it has been boring this week. Oh well. Next week I look forward to hitting them with everything I have and I hope that they will respond.

On another note, I keep reading a little of the Sureshot 2 here and there, and I am looking forward to getting to my test readers. I will let you know how that goes.

First Week

I finished my first week of teaching. It was really fun. Of course we didn't have to do much but get to know each other and go over some rules which they are already testing, but it was fun nonetheless. When we start doing work next week no doubt their opinions will change, but for now they love me. I have experienced the same thing that I have run into since writing the Sureshot, and that is that everyone is very impressed that I wrote a book, and no one wants to buy it. Oh well, I guess that is how it goes. I am looking forward to the day when my own family does not even read my books. I am sure it will happen. Sometimes I think that they are just appeasing me anyways by reading the first one. I had one student ask me, "did you sell like a million copies on the first day?" I promptly responded with a little logic, "had I sold a million copies in one day, would I be teaching?" I couldn't help myself. The truth is that I may very well teach if I enjoy it as much as I do now, but the day I sell a million copies is probably far off and so I will just keep teaching for now. I set a goal to write full time (and pay the bills) ten years after completing my first book. That was one year ago, and so I have nine to go. Anyways I will keep everyone updated on how the school year is progressing and when there is news about my writing.

I Actually Like It!!!

I have read more than half of my book and I actually like it. I mean, I knew I was going to like it, but I really like it. I am surprised by how good it is, for a first draft anyways. It starts slow, and I need to rewrite the beginning, but I knew that. I also need to add some detail, but other than that, and some other things, but it is good. Ok it is not good yet, but I can see the potential and I am excited about it. I am dismayed, but beginning to except how much work there still is to do once I finish a draft. It is not ready for acquisition staff to read yet, but it will be. Once I and my wife have read over it, I am going to have three people, who have read the first book read this one and give me advice. There are a few things that I find are difficult for me to see in my own book.

The first thing that is difficult is describing scenes that I can see clearly in my mind. I forget sometimes that I have an image of what things look like and do not always explain a scene effectively. My wife is good at pointing out what these scenes are. She marks what it is she wants to know more about and I gladly elaborate because I already know, I just didn't write it.

The second thing that I have difficulty noticing when I write is when I do not give enough detail about the characters. I know in my mind what they are thinking, feeling, etc. but do not always make that clear to the reader, and since the reader is the most important person, it is good to have someone read it over and tell me where they thought it was lacking.

But overall I think that this will be a good book. The people who enjoyed the first will most likely enjoy the second and that is good enough for me. I will continue writing, and have many, many, many projects to work on. I only hope that I find time to do it before next summer. Wish me luck.

Finished

I finally finished The Sureshot 2 (I am still not saying what I call it). It was tough. Friday I was furiously punching away on my computer as my children ran around fighting with each other, the phone kept ringing and... ok I can't think of another distraction, but I was distracted. Well I got diner ready and then sat down to write the last paragraph. It feels great. This one is longer and I think better. Besides that I have now written two books. Maybe I can be a writer. I must admit that there was doubt. On some days writing seemed so tedious that I wanted to delete the whole thing and give up. I was worried that I wouldn't finish before school started when finishing was going to be even more difficult, but I did. Ah, I feel good. Anyways, I still have a lot of work to do revising it and editing it, but the worst is over. I can't wait to see it in print.